This
weekend, our suburban community joined the unwilling ranks of towns directly
impacted by hate crimes. On the way to
church Sunday morning, I had to tell my eleven-year-old boys about a shooting
at a nearby synagogue the day before where one woman was killed and several
were injured. Where young children had
to run and hide.
One
of my boys simply said “why would someone do that?” Why indeed? Sadly, since the dawn of man, we
have been fighting wars, killing other humans - over power, religion, land and
money. Over our differences. And still, I can’t begin to fathom what could
put the kind of hate on someone’s heart that makes them pick up a weapon and
attempt to kill another human.
Here
is what I do know – Love can overcome hate.
And understanding can breed love.
There’s
an internet meme that goes something like this “A Pastor, a Rabbi and an
Atheist walk into a bar...And they break bread and share stories of their day
and trials of their lives end of story.”
Because guess what – we all have differences and similarities, and that
doesn’t have to make us hate one another.
As
a child, I lived in a rather homogenous community. But in my church confirmation class, one
requirement was to attend a service and speak with leaders in another Christian
church and with leaders of a non-Christian religious group. Our church also did an annual Kristallnacht remembrance
service and a Seder meal with our local Synagogue. These opportunities served as a chance to
learn from one another, to mourn and celebrate together, and to provide
respectful understanding of what makes us different AND the same. No one at these opportunities was trying to
convince us to “take their side.” No one was trying to tell us our way was “wrong.”
We were learning together, breaking bread together and sharing our stories.
A
few weeks ago during their sacrament lessons, my boys had an opportunity of
their own to experience a Seder meal, and learn about the story of Passover. That gave me an opportunity to talk to a
Jewish friend of ours, the dad of one of the boy’s baseball buddies, and learn
a little more about what Passover means to his family, how they celebrate it
(it’s his favorite holiday), talk about Easter for our family, and share some
stories with one another. And then a few
days later, here’s an actual text between us after my friend shared some
pictures of his family’s Seder:
Him: “As we celebrate Passover, it made me think
of the Seder you had at your church.
Perhaps the boys can relate even more knowing it’s happening right now
with Jews all around the world including their buddy. Good Friday to you and the family and an
early Happy Easter”
Me: “Amazing! The boys love seeing the real
thing. Happy Passover to all your
family! Love how connected we all are.”
Love
can overcome hate. And understanding can
breed love.
Too
much religion for you? I can make this
same connection with sports. Captain
Chaos has proclaimed himself “the Padres biggest fan.” True story. He has done at least one speech and written tons of poetry about that in
class. His best buddy is a Dodgers
fan. I’m a Green Bay Packer fan from
first breath, I have friends who – gasp – are Vikings or Bears fans. Insert your own favorite sports team. But in Captain Chaos’s case, the Padres have
not had an amazing season in the first 10 years of his life. Yet he still cheers down to the final inning
of the final game of the regular season (I’m saying “regular season” with the
hopes that one day he will see “post season” Padres). And head to head, he would always pick the
Padres over the Dodgers.
But
last year, the Dodgers finished in 1st Place in the NL West, with
the Padres trickling in 25.5 games back, last place in the Division. On paper, that could breed some pretty
negative feelings for Captain Chaos. Instead,
he poured all of his baseball enthusiasm into cheering the Dodgers through the
post-season, shedding many tears of his own when they fell short. He could have thrown his hat in with the
Brewers, or even the (gasp) Red Sox, but looked at me and said “My best friend
is a Dodger fan, and I want him to be happy, so I will cheer for the Dodgers.”
Aside: this season the Dodgers and the Padres have
been trading off the top spot in the division, so we’ve adopted a “no baseball rivalry
talk” rule in the afternoon carpools which is also an ok technique when
necessary.
We’re
not asking these boys to switch allegiances, but what they do HAVE in common is
their great love of baseball.
Love
can overcome hate. And understanding can
breed love.
It’s
no secret to my family and friends that Captain Chaos has a significant
learning disability, along with speech disorder and disfluency (stuttering). There would have been another time in our
history where his “scores” would have institutionalized him, or worse. There are still places in our world where
this occurs. Even as I write that, I
have such strong emotions about what that world must have looked like.
Fortunately
for us, and much of the disabled community, there were pioneers who said “Let
me learn more. Let me understand more
about YOU. Let me see all the ways we
are the same, and all the ways our differences can enrich our world.”
There
are still many people who, perhaps out of ignorance, will treat my son and others badly because of a disability. So for my part, I tell his story to anyone
who needs to hear it. When we were on
spring break, I was speaking to a retired doctor who asked me what I do for a
living. I explained that I am the
primary caregiver and advocate for my son with intellectual disabilities. His initial reaction was to ask “What’s his
IQ? I mean, will he at least be able to
work at McDonalds one day?” I replied “If
that’s what he wants, but at this point, he’s aiming for the broadcast booth
for the Padres.” And then, I took this
opportunity to explain that “in our day and age”, there are so many ways to
learn, and so many ways to measure success and aptitude. I’d like to hope that this man floated away
from our conversation with a level of understanding and respect for people with
disabilities that he hadn’t had initially.
Love
can overcome hate. And understanding can
breed love.
When
I have to have talks with my boys about hate crimes and violence around the
world, I have no answers. But I can speak love to my sons, to my family and
friends. And when we encounter someone
different, we can learn from one another, break bread, share stories.
And
understanding can breed love.
And
Love can overcome hate.
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